Closure

This is the 3rd in a series writings that concern my father’s death. The first two were centered on the calling hours and the internment. This one provides closure to me and hopefully my mother.


If you had read the previous postings, you will note that we had interned my dad next to his father in the Marathon, NY city cemetery. There we discovered that Marvin’s father Henry had no headstone. Since my dad would never enter a cemetery, Henry had been there since 1964, well over 40 years, without a marker. Well, we fixed that. And just to be sure, during my last trip to NY this last May, we paid a visit to that cemetery.


So for a small investment in marble, I now feel we’ve closed the chapter on Henry, and know for sure my sons won’t have to play catch-up for Marvin.

The Internment

Below are a series of e-mails I had sent to a friend of mine, Lincoln Djang, just prior to and just after my dad's final internment. The third of the series was never sent. They show how anxiety and stress can shape your feelings. The first is bitter and selfish, the second is closer to the realization of closing the final chapter on my dad and the third, some what recovered and reflective. I'm glad I wrote these. Instead of crying or some other emotional conundrum, I had the benefit of a relief valve, a considerate friend. Maybe these notes will help someone else with a similar lose in the future.

April 1st 2010, 3 Days Before the Grave Side Service

Hey dude, its midnight in central NY and about 60 degrees. I'm sitting in the garage looking out on the street I grew up on after spending the day cleaning a bathroom that hasn't been scrubbed or painted since the 1973. I've also spent the better part of the day cleaning out my dads office (my old bedroom). What Discoveries I have made!!! My dad was a very simple guy, in fact he only had 5 pair of shorts and 5 sets of socks but he also had about 10 pairs of boots. Go figure?!?!? Anyway it's pretty much a downer cleaning up. My mom, bless her heart, has not looked at any of his stuff or has even been in his office since November, it's pretty much up to me I guess.

My derelict sister was supposed to show up tonight to help but I guess she has better things to do. I am really feeling pretty low. And to top it off I'm still waiting for the funeral director to let me know when we can bury the man. I'm hoping we can at least complete that before I fly back.

This 'shit' really sucks!!! But I guess its part of the circle.

MMJ

April 5th 2010, Morning of the Grave Side Service

Well I've finally gotten through most of this ordeal. After 4 days and a dozen full lawn and leaf bags, I have cleaned out my dad’s personal stuff (mostly paper; old magazines, hand written notes, etc...) and inventoried the remaining Porsche related stuff. The inventory will be used later for the local Porsche club, a silent auction or something. The remaining clothes (and 4 pair of NEW boots) will be dropped off at the 'salvation army'.

Will intern my dad today at 2:00 in Marathon NY. He'll be with his father and grandfather.

I got all the brakes working on my dads other car and got it running. It drives like a 70's vintage souped up VW; lots of noise, rattles and squeaks but no real go (or heat). However, it does have charm. I'll snap a picture before I leave.

Thanks for your thoughts.

MMJ

April 6th 2010, Day After the Grave Side Service

Well we got Marvin (my dad) in his final resting place yesterday. Small grave side service; mother, son, daughter, grandson, grandson. We had a Methodist Minister and a member of the local VFW. After a few short prayers reminding all that death is part of life and the flag was presented for Marvin’s service to his country, I personally breathed better. Closure!!

My mom, on the way home, felt she had left something behind; as she described it like her purse or a coat. I think, and can only hope, that this was her closure. I could only tell her that Marvin would not want her to feel bad, knowing deep down my dad handled death by getting on and not dwelling on the subject; pretty much to the point of denial. To him it (life) was gone, over, water under the bridge; get on with the rest of yours. To kind of put this in perspective, my dad never visited any grave site or cemetery that I can remember, even his own father's (Henry). If he had he may have discovered that when his dad died in 1964, that my grandfather’s wife at the time, 3rd wife Aggie, never bothered to have a head stone put on his grave. So my grandfather, that died 46 years ago, had no marker!!!! I think Marvin would have been upset if he knew but apparently not as upsetting as actually visiting.

That evening, my sister came over and we looked at slides of a father, mother, son and daughter from a past that was mostly forgotten. No longer the derelict that wouldn't help but the laughing innocent sister I once shared a life with. My mom picked out two or three she wanted prints of. They were of a young family, happy and blissfully naive. My sister went on and on about the flag and how it 'got to her'. Bless her hart, I hope she understands the meaning of military service and the price paid for freedom. Whether air control, engineer or dodging bullets on the front, the demands of that commitment, that discipline and those responsibilities to a higher calling, i.e. defending a nation, are life long and no matter how metaphorical, the flag and the final salute are a nations thank you for the sacrifice of service.

The next day, I finished cleaning out my dad’s personal effects and straightened out the little upstairs area for my next trip out.

It's not as difficult as one would think to close out a chapter of life nor should it be bitter.

MMJ

My Dad

Well the inevitable finally happened, my dad, marvelous Marvin, passed on November 25, 2009. My mom thought it was actually the 24th but the official date on all of the paperwork will be the 25th. Of all of the days of the year to die, my dad picks the day before Thanksgiving. Just as well, I’ll always be able to remember and offer thanks for all he gave me. For you see, in the dysfunctional family environment that I 'think' I grew up in combined with a set of virtues, faults and idiosyncrasies that were unique to Marvin, I will always consider him the most normal and the one to look up to within the Jennings clan. And of course, he was my dad.

Marvelous Marvin inspired me in many many ways, the first being ‘move on and explore the world’. I’m not sure of his exact words at the time but it was in 1973, in our Dryden NY driveway as I was heading off to my Navy A school. I’ve done this to what some might consider an extreme; been around the world in the Navy, been across the country several times with numerous jobs and have been blessed with more successes than failures. The one thing I remotely regret about this particular inspiration is not being near my dad during his last few years, months, weeks, or even days of his life.

The second inspiration is kind of hard to describe. It always seemed to me that no matter what my successes or failures, Marvin never seemed to acknowledge good or bad or, even from my prospective, that he comprehended any of the successes or failures I attempted to described. The inspiration is that I always tried harder and harder to be successful so that he would someday say “Mark, you did good”. The regretful part is that he never told me one way or the other what his opinion was. He told me about the refrigeration systems he worked on or how his car(s) where fixed or how he hotwired the rental house heater but never once do I remember Marvin commenting on what I had made of my life.

During my dad’s calling hours, there was one younger lady (about 50 I would say) that new my dad from the days he spent at the bar across the highway, J.P.’s I think was the name and she was a waitress. She seemed to know my dad fairly well and told me that he had talked numerous times about how proud he felt of me. He even showed her a picture of my daughter Elida on her John Deer pedal tractor. Very few outside of my immediate family (wife, sons, daughter in law, etc…) knew of the tractor. In fact I can’t even remember sending him a copy of the picture. I am totally amazed that he would share this with his friends since he never said anything to me. Keep in mind that that picture was taken 9 years before his passing. Still, he never told me of his pride or for that matter ever asked how Elida was during the numerous telephone chats between then and his passing. To hear it at that time and place generated quite a rush of emotion.

Then there were the Central New York Porsche Club friends that made up the bulk of the visitors during calling hours. These were his friends to the end. They knew him in better times when I was off traveling the world and he was enjoying his middle age. I feel bad that he never acknowledged their friendship to me in his final years. Just getting him to go to the club picnic in the August prior to his passing seemed an effort. However once there and talking the talk that only a lifetime hobby can arouse, he seemed more alive than I had seen or heard in a long time. He was so fired up after that event he stopped at the Jennings Department Store in Moravia and bought a new pair of boots. I can’t think of a better sendoff for my dad than a bunch of guys hanging around talking about the cars he loved.

As a final inspiration from my dad, I can only hope that I can recognize that my children and my wife are successful in all aspects of life and tell them I am proud of thier accomplishments and not have them hear it second hand from one of my friends. And acknowledge my friendships, no matter how odd they may seem, to my immediate family and to me. No matter what anyone thinks of your family or friends, they’re yours and they're the ones that will remember, keeping you alive in their thoughts.

Marvelous Marvin, I will miss you.



The following were posted against Marvin’s obituary Guest Book. Thank you to all that left a message.

MMJennings


December 02, 2009
Dear Mabel and Family,

I knew Marv for many years, what a great fun person he was.
Marv was not only a kool guy in his Prosche(s), but he kept me and my home cool for many years. I sure hated to hear of his passing. I will miss the long talks we use to have. If any of you are wondering if Marv ever heard the Gospel of Christ, we talked about it for hours. We looked over many Bible verses pertaining to Heaven and a personal relationship one could have with Jesus through faith in Him.
I will miss him very much, and hope to see him in Heaven some day soon.

I'm proud to say Merv was my friend.

Stephen Cobb
~
Stephen Cobb,
Dryden, New York


November 29, 2009
To Mabel and family. Please accept my sincere condolences on the
passing of Marvin
"Jimmie" James. Liverpool. NY/


November 29, 2009
Dear Mabel: It has been a few years since I have seen Marv. I believe the last was a Spring Rally he put on which my son, Paul, and I attended. Marv was one of the first CNY PCA members that I met when I arrived in Central New York, and I so appreciated his knowledge of and assistance with my then 356SC. He was a joy to know.
I send you my deepest sympathies.
~
David Zube,
Binghamton,


November 29, 2009
Dear Mabel & Family, My fondest memory of Marv was when he was "trying his hardest" to teach me autocross. I had him so confused by the time we were done I'm not sure he knew who he was. Said they would time me with a calendar. It truly was hysterical!!! Ralph & I feel privileged to have known and partied with him and you. Blessings to you all for your heavy hearts. May they lighten soon with fond memories. Joyce & Ralph
Edmonds


November 29, 2009
Dear Mabel and Family,

I had the opportunity to meet Marv only a few years ago. We talked at one of our club events. His true passion for our marque was obvious. Marv will be truly missed. Please accept my deepest sympathies.

Kevin Ferris,Binghamton,New York


November 29, 2009
Dear Mabel and family,
He was my marvelous Marv,gifted in the ways he moved his 914 at the Watkins Glen, catching the 911s in the curves, always double-clutching, with frequent checks of the engine temperature. It was the first time I felt lateral Gs in a car increasing and decreasing as he rolled his 914 into and out of the corners. All along I felt secure inside this perfect union of car and driver. Off the track Marv continued to be the gentleman and a man from a time when men were silent and strong.
Klaus W. Beyenbach


November 28, 2009
Dear Mabel and family, I will always have wonderful memories of Marv's rallies, concouring, and the fun we all had during so many of the Porsche Club events. The two of you always seemed to be there. Now Baker has someone to 'jaw' with! Love, Sallie (CNY PCA)
~
Sallie Jameson,
Liverpool, New York


November 28, 2009
Dear Mabel and family, we want to extend our sympathies to you and the family. I have alot of memories of Marv as his was the first rally I ever attended and the one person I never could beat in a concour with the outstanding care he took for an always admired S2. Rick and JoAnn Holt (CNYPCA)
~
Rick Holt,
Ithaca, New York


November 28, 2009
Mabel and Family, Please accept my deep sympathies. Marv was a great and fun person and I wish I had been able to keep up with you all recently.
~
Al George,
Ithac, New York


November 28, 2009
Dear Mabel, Monica and Mark,

Marv will be dearly missed by his many friends in Central New York Region of Porsche Club of America.

His loyal service to the Region will be long remembered.
~
Central New York Region Porsche Club of America,
CNY, New York


November 28, 2009
Dear Mabel, Monica, Mark and all of Marv's family,

We extend our deepest sympathies on the passing of Marv.
~
Joyce and Chuck Gladle,
Rushville, New


November 28, 2009
We always remember Marv laughing about a man in a big car who thought he would easily pass Marv's VW "bug" as they were starting up a steep hill somewhere. With the Porsche engine in that little bug, Marv left the man in the dust.
We extend our sympathy to each one of you, Mabel, Mark & Monica
John & Fritzie Blizzard
Union Springs, NY


November 28, 2009
To Mabel, Monica , & Mark, Our sincere condolences to you
on the passing of Marvin
~
Jean and Bill Noroski,
Syracuse, New York